Okay, so I had another blow. The apartment I thought I'd gotten, since the landlord called me up and said they had chosen me, went to somebody else after all. Thanks a lot. I feel so powerless in this system, and it keeps getting me down. And the worst of it is that I get so freaking angry at the Germans for being so arrogant, silent, manipulative and plain cowards. And I kind of like Germans in general... I don't exactly know what to do other than just get quite angry, yell a little and keep on going. Luckily I have a place to live until February, but I now have to cancel all those plans I'd made. So today I went for a walk in the cold rain, music in my ears and thoughts spinning. One song came on, and it made me feel so comforted somehow. It will happen, but why it has to be this difficult and make me feel like I'm seriously not worth anything, I don't know. Ah!